Tag Archives: totalitarianism

It depends on what the definition of ‘it’ is, doesn’t it?

Photo: Courtesy of Ray Whitehouse, Institute of Politics Columnist and founder of the "It Gets Better" project Dan Savage  and IOP fellow Ana Marie Cox discuss the role of social media in activism.

Photo credit: Ray Whitehouse, Institute of Politics
Columnist and founder of the “It Gets Better” project Dan Savage and IOP fellow Ana Marie Cox discuss the role of social media in activism.

I get it. I mean, I understand that people who prefer to be identified by the pronoun “it” might be offended by a word containing any letters other than I or T. But therein lies the rub.

No, I’m not saying I want to “get” it, or rub up against it — the transgender youth named Hex. That would be a thoughtcrime.

I’m saying “It Gets Better” if we talk about these things.

Shit. I think I need to consult my lawyers on what the definition of “it” is.

I mean, Hex, you’re a darling, but if the — if it — if “it” means it and nothing else, it is not — that is one thing. If “it” means “he” or “she” but not “xe” or “thon” then it was a completely true statement. I mean, my statement that repurposing words can be empowering was completely true and not a T-slur.

Now, if you — it — not xe or thon — had asked me on that day, if you — it, Hex — were offended by reclaiming “tranny”, that is, if you had asked me a question in the present tense, I would have said no, because it — what I said — wasn’t directed at you personally. It — son of a bitch! — my statement — was an attempt to discuss strategies for overcoming its — NO! Not you! It! The word “tranny”! — negative and hurtful associations. And it — the statement — would have been completely true. Which means that you — Hex, it — would have been completely wrong, and I would have been completely right.

So I can’t understand why anyone would start a petition accusing me of hate speech. I also can’t understand how it’s possible — No! — that I agree with Reason that there is “no better way to reaffirm a word’s evil power than by making it unsayable.”

Okay. That settles it. I’ve had it. (No, I haven’t “had it” in the biblical sense – I “hate” trannnies, remember?)

Hex, you’re a prude.


Who else deserves to die, and how can I help? :)

The news that Fred Phelps is dying brought so much joy to my heart that I’ve created a short list of other people who deserve to die.*

  • Republicans, with special circumstances for Sarah Palin and her evil spawn. I’m thinking wolves.
  • Christians. Crucifixion for sure.
  • Russians, especially Vladimir Putin. Bear baiting.
  • Conservative talk show hosts. Death by waterboarding.

Haters, all of them. If we’re ever going to have a world free of hate, we need to kill the haters. It’s the only way to achieve transhumanity.

* RealDanSavage reserves the right to change this list without prior notice (and looks forward to doing so). By reading this list, you agree to kill a few haters yourself.


Murdered lesbian prisoner nuns would be exempt from Obamacare

So, the Little Sisters of the Poor want an exemption from Obamacare, do they? Someone has already suggested one way of making that happen: organize the nuns into a union.

That doesn’t go far enough. The nuns need to organize a union, come out as lesbians, deny their faith, get themselves arrested, and rename their order as the Poor Little Sisters of the Big House. Then they’d qualify for at least one of these exemptions:

people who can’t afford coverage, even with a subsidy; people with income levels too low to require filing a federal tax return; members of certain Indian tribes; people who can claim a hardship; people who will have a short gap in their coverage;  members of certain religious groups that conscientiously oppose insurance benefit programs (e.g., the Amish); members of a “health care sharing ministry”; people in prison; and people who are not lawfully in the United States.

I’m not kidding. Nuns are just criminals anyway. They might as well make it official.

But maybe even THAT doesn’t go far enough. In my book, having a “moral objection to facilitating contraception, sterilization, and abortion” is a hanging offense.

If Obama would just have the nuns killed, they could go live in heaven where everyone gets free healthcare. We would no longer be forced to listen to their incessant whining about Obama’s “absurd new low.” They would get what they’ve always wanted. And America would finally be on its way toward the eradication of religion.

You think Obama has an ideological obsession? You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

How’s that for a dangerous idea?


Savage self love: My abortion should have been mandatory

I’m not right about everything, but I’m right about this: There’s too many goddamn people on the planet and we need to do something about it.

In my darker moments – and I thank my brilliant blowjob skills and the image of shitting in Sarah Palin’s mouth for keeping me on the path toward truth and light – I’m anti-choice. I think abortion should be mandatory for about 30 years. Especially for anyone named Palin.

Forget I said that. I’m really not a totalitarian monster who would force women under age 43 to abort their children. Okay, I’m not a totalitarian. I’m pro-choice. I believe that women – not people generally, that would be going too far – women should have the right to control their bodies. Forcing women to give birth against their will damages women.

Men are pigs and should be castrated. Hey! Hey! HEY! Before you get all up in my shit, I meant heterosexual men should be forcibly castrated, which would eliminate the need for forced abortions. Gay men are still pigs, but we’re generally safer than heteros, so we get a pass on the castration thing.

See, I’m not a totalitarian monster after all. I’m just a fucking brilliant tolerant gay person fighting for the equal rights of everyone. It’s just that some people – mainly gays and women, but mostly gays, and gays of color especially, but perhaps not bisexuals, and of course not all heteros, and absolutely not male hetero Republicans (who should all be killed, except my father) – are more equal than others, and I think it’s very important to remember that.

God that last paragraph was cathartic. It reminds me of where I started, so long ago. Once upon a time, I thought I was a heterosexual male, then I thought I was bisexual, until that little voice in my head said “yeah, right” and I emerged into my fully gay self. And it reminds me of the wonder we call life, which I too often forget. Why was I born? Was my mother forced to give birth to me? Did my arrival into the world damage my mother?

Oh, shit. My abortion should have been mandatory.