Tag Archives: murder

My heteronormative patriarch is guilty. Not me.

I reject your heteronormative patriarchal definition of murder!

I reject your heteronormative patriarchal definition of murder!

Dear RealDanSavage,

I’m a transgender woman being charged with the murders of several prostitutes more than 20 years ago in Spokane. I didn’t do it. Doug did. Please help me.

Donna Not Doug

Dear Donna,

You are trans*woman! I hear you roar! Pay no attention to intolerant, homophobic, racist, misogynist a-holes with an iPhone and a tenth grade education who can’t see beyond the rigid social constructions of masculinity and femininity where people exist in binary pairs.

If you were Doug back then, and you’re Donna today, then Donna didn’t do it. You were Dominant then, and now you’re Submissive. You were the Penetrator, and now you’re being Penetrated.

Seriously, though, you should lube up for some serious Penetrating, because you’re probably headed for the Big House where The Heteronormative Patriarchy is large and in charge.

Unless you follow my lawyer’s advice and plead not guilty by reason of insanity.


Who else deserves to die, and how can I help? :)

The news that Fred Phelps is dying brought so much joy to my heart that I’ve created a short list of other people who deserve to die.*

  • Republicans, with special circumstances for Sarah Palin and her evil spawn. I’m thinking wolves.
  • Christians. Crucifixion for sure.
  • Russians, especially Vladimir Putin. Bear baiting.
  • Conservative talk show hosts. Death by waterboarding.

Haters, all of them. If we’re ever going to have a world free of hate, we need to kill the haters. It’s the only way to achieve transhumanity.

* RealDanSavage reserves the right to change this list without prior notice (and looks forward to doing so). By reading this list, you agree to kill a few haters yourself.


Obama should kill Little Sisters of the Poor with pack of hungry dogs

Last week the web was all atwitter with the news that Kim Jong Un had killed his uncle with a pack of ravenous dogs. Now we learn the story is most likely a hoax.

That’s too bad.

You see, power is the ultimate aphrodisiac, and feeding anyone to a pack of dogs is a powerful act. Make it a live family member and my dick comes to attention. It makes me want to give Un one of my epic blowjobs. I mean, look at the guy. He’s practically begging for it.

Kim wants my lips around his dick. I can tell.

Kim wants my lips around his dick. I can tell.

Back here in the U.S. an obscure sect of old nuns who care for other old people had the temerity to challenge the Law of the Land and win.

That must not stand, and it looks like my black brother in the White House is playing strongman.

The Obama administration told the Supreme Court that nuns running an elder-care facility should have to provide “free” abortion drugs through their health-insurance plan.

But maybe not strong enough.

There is hope, though, that your hard-earned pay won’t be wasted on absurdities like this much longer. Religious freedom is so embedded in American law that Obamacare has suffered court orders against its mandate in 53 of 60 rulings so far.

It’s no secret that I hate real religion. (I like fake religion, though, so don’t get your knickers in a twist.) We almost managed to eliminate it from the public square, and then came Obamacare. Don’t get me wrong: I love taxpayer-funded healthcare for all. How my man Barack managed to fuck it up, I don’t know, but we need to fight back.

In the first wave of the abortion-pill-mandate debate, President Obama promised Christian leaders that the rule would exempt religious groups. But the abortion extremists had their way and the White House “evolved” on the issue. The 2012 election year “solution” was to tell religious groups they would, in the words of Cardinal Dolan, get an extra year delay in order to “figure out how to violate [their] consciences.”

Then the Obama administration walked into court against religious families who earn a living in business. It insisted that those job-creating families don’t possess religious freedom. The government has deemed the world of business and healthcare “secular,” where religion is not allowed.

You’re god-damned right the world is secular! No one has the right to force their agenda on anyone else!

But here come these nuns trying to fuck it all up. And now they have to pay.

Barack, you know dogs, so here’s the plan: Starve Bo and Sunny for the next couple weeks. Then invite the Little Sisters over for a Nun Summit. It’ll look like an accident.

Sic 'em Bo!

Sic ’em Bo!