Psychopaths who fuck in axial orientation with the earth’s magnetic field

Either I’m a psychopath or I just play one on TV – but I took the test and scored a 91%. Here’s what they say about me:

You can play hardball with the best of them! You know what you want and are not afraid to go for it – even if it means bending the rules occasionally and putting a few noses out of joint on the way. Nothing fazes you. You are decisive, self-confident and pretty much up for anything. You are a ‘means-to-an-end’ person. For you, it’s not necessarily a matter of right or wrong, but of what gets the job done. ‘Bring it on’ is your mantra, but to help those around you keep their heads, you should learn some tricks to help you temper your self-satisfying tendencies…

That sounds about right.

Fuck! How did I manage to score higher than Margaret Thatcher?!

According to the online study, “the most psychopathic people” prefer fish for pets and the least prefer cats. I don’t know where dogs figure into the spectrum, but after decades of fucking, I’ve discovered that haptic memory figures prominently in my preferred penile grip and that I prefer to fuck in axial orientation with the earth’s magnetic field. I think that should lower my score by at least ten points.