Savage self love: My abortion should have been mandatory

I’m not right about everything, but I’m right about this: There’s too many goddamn people on the planet and we need to do something about it.

In my darker moments – and I thank my brilliant blowjob skills and the image of shitting in Sarah Palin’s mouth for keeping me on the path toward truth and light – I’m anti-choice. I think abortion should be mandatory for about 30 years. Especially for anyone named Palin.

Forget I said that. I’m really not a totalitarian monster who would force women under age 43 to abort their children. Okay, I’m not a totalitarian. I’m pro-choice. I believe that women – not people generally, that would be going too far – women should have the right to control their bodies. Forcing women to give birth against their will damages women.

Men are pigs and should be castrated. Hey! Hey! HEY! Before you get all up in my shit, I meant heterosexual men should be forcibly castrated, which would eliminate the need for forced abortions. Gay men are still pigs, but we’re generally safer than heteros, so we get a pass on the castration thing.

See, I’m not a totalitarian monster after all. I’m just a fucking brilliant tolerant gay person fighting for the equal rights of everyone. It’s just that some people – mainly gays and women, but mostly gays, and gays of color especially, but perhaps not bisexuals, and of course not all heteros, and absolutely not male hetero Republicans (who should all be killed, except my father) – are more equal than others, and I think it’s very important to remember that.

God that last paragraph was cathartic. It reminds me of where I started, so long ago. Once upon a time, I thought I was a heterosexual male, then I thought I was bisexual, until that little voice in my head said “yeah, right” and I emerged into my fully gay self. And it reminds me of the wonder we call life, which I too often forget. Why was I born? Was my mother forced to give birth to me? Did my arrival into the world damage my mother?

Oh, shit. My abortion should have been mandatory.

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About therealdansavage

I'm the Fake Real Dan Savage. Not to be confused with the Real Fake Dan Savage (who's the real real Dan Savage), the gay anti-bullying activist who likes to bully people who aren't gay or fake. View all posts by therealdansavage

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