Jesus, you can’t even joke about cunnilingus on CNN…

The prudes are at it again. The blogger whose name shall not be typed noted my* appearance on CNN with Anderson Cooper and Andrew Sullivan:

We can only imagine what an old-fashioned Freudian analyst might say about Cooper, Savage and Sullivan sitting around laughing on national TV at Cooper [sic] mother’s sex life.

What is the fucking problem? It’s not as if Western Civilization is threatened by three gay men laughing on national TV about how much Anderson’s mother enjoyed cunnilingus. We all know Andrew’s mother enjoyed it. Hell, my mother probably enjoyed having her box chomped, so let me take this moment to apologize: I’m sorry I didn’t tell CNN’s viewers that my mother loved to have her slit licked.

And for all the prudes out there, think about this: Western Civilization might actually be SAVED by gay men who love to talk about their mothers’ oral sex habits on TV. Gay men around the world can now feel free to talk about their own moms on TV, something that has never happened in the history of the world. Anderson, Andrew and I are proud to be “pushing the envelope” (heh, get it?) of civil rights.

Imagine, if you can, what would have happened if we hadn’t shared that little joke. I can’t.

So lighten up, folks. One day, thanks to me and CNN, we’ll have a gay POTUS whose inauguration speech will mention her mother’s afternoon pussy delight. What a great day for freedom that will be. I can only hope she gives the speech in sight of the Washington Monument, and that Andrew, Anderson, and I, will be commentating for CNN, joking about Washington’s phallus. We’ll have Kathy Griffin as a guest, and she’ll share the inspiring story of how Martha’s insatiable craving for cunnilingus gave our first president the courage to finish off the Revolutionary War.

I’m sure Anderson will appreciate that. Who wouldn’t?

* The real real Dan Savage (known as @FakeDanSavage on Twitter) was Cooper’s guest on CNN. The Real Dan Savage, the stellar host of the Shit Gets Better blog, was somewhere else not talking about the cunnilingus habits of 85-year-old moms.

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About therealdansavage

I'm the Fake Real Dan Savage. Not to be confused with the Real Fake Dan Savage (who's the real real Dan Savage), the gay anti-bullying activist who likes to bully people who aren't gay or fake. View all posts by therealdansavage

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